i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
