I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
