where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
