I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
