we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
