We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
