my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
please don't ironically join a cult
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