we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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