her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
