Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
