therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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