got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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