There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
