She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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