He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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