1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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