I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
