The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
