the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I will pee on everything he values.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
