Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
