I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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