Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
