I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
