Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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