She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
