dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
