How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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