So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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