but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
