all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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