Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
