apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
