Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
