Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
