Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
