More tranny stories later!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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