someone owes me an orgasm
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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