he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
