WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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