Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
