yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
