it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
