I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
