i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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