saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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