I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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