Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
