and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
