You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
