i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
