i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just blew my weed a kiss
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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