I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You may now shotgun with the bride
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
