When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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