you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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