I can text with my tongue
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
