Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
