The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
