no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
