His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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