I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
