Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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