well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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