I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
one two three fourrrrnication!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
