So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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