You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
