Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
