We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
