Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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