dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
