All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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