I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
