awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
