I only kidnapped one of them. chill
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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