Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
