Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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