Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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