I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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