Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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