I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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