whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
