we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
