I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ttyl tear gas
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
