She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
