also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
