I puked a lego.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
