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At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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