Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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