New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
